I was filled with hope, excitement, encouragement, strength...I was waiting for something to happen.
About two years ago, I was one month away from moving to Haiti. I just couldn't wait to get here. I couldn't wait to experience Christ, to be his hands and feet, and to serve him differently than I had ever before.
About two years ago...I was dreaming, about how great life would be in Haiti. The lost soles I would save. The relationships I would make. Intimacy with the Lord. I envisioned that my two years in Haiti would be me on cloud 9 the entire time.
Then I arrived in Haiti.
I hit the ground running, literally. I arrived with a team. Learned the ropes quickly. Developed relationships, lead teams, served teams, served Haitians, saw poverty, saw death, experienced poverty, experienced broken relationships, friends left, teams left....
Let's just say, it hasn't been cloud 9. A lot of times, it feels like cloud 2.
Moving has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life.
Somedays I feel very isolated, like I don't fit in, like I've done nothing, reached no one...
In my heart I know these words aren't true. I know they are from the devil and I need to fight them. I need to claim the God's truth...
I recently started the study "Duty or Delight" by Tammie Head...
"One thing is certain. You're going to learn how to put your foot down and stop putting up with what you've been putting up with. It's time for the condemnation to stop. It's time for the guilt to stop. It's time for the prayerlessness to stop. It's time for fear to stop. It's time for all of these false expectations to stop. It's time you enjoyed your God."
I needed to hear these words. I need some reassembling.
I need some refreshing...
Lord Reassemble Me.
Lord Refresh Me.
Bring life to these Dry Bones (Ezekiel 37:1-14)
** There have been many good things in Haiti. I have learned more than any other time of my life and learned how to trust God and lean on him....but I'm tired and weary **
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I think all people who surrender to missions feel this way :/ I will be praying for encouragement for you. And rest. And God's Presence. I love reading about missionaries though, so thanks for being open about where you are.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement. I know their are cycles of this, especially for those in ministry! Thank you for your prayers!
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